What Hurts The Most
by Nyx.anime
Summary: Yzak is torn between his head and his heart. When Angel gets hurt during an assassination mission and ends up in a coma,Yzak can't get her out of his head. Soon enough Yzak is begging for her to wake up so that order may once again be the center of his life. But then again, Angel has always been an exception.
1. Chapter 1

What hurts the most

Yzak slammed the person in front of him into the wall. He was furious, even for him, this was beyond his normal outbursts. At the moment all he saw was red as the soldier's voice kept repeating itself in his head. "Yzak, calm down!" Dearka was desperately trying to loosen Yzak's grip on the other man, but Yzak hardly felt his attempt. All he heard was one word over and over again. MIA. Angel was MIA.

Dearka gave one final tug and released the man of his agony. He fell to the ground panting. Yzak, finally able to speak, asked in deathly calmness: "Where did you hear that?" The man cringed at the ice in his voice, but spoke bravely "They got a message this morning sir. Angel aka The Grim Reaper, assassin employed by ZAFT, was considered MIA after an explosion in Hong Kong where she was supposed to retrieve documents. They didn't see her get out and they didn't find her body either, but a lot of the bodies inside weren't retrievable because of the impact of the explosion." With every word he spoke Yzak got paler. _She can't be… not her, she's too strong for that. _Without a word, Yzak turned and walked towards his office. Dearka followed him momentarily. "Yzak? Are you all right? Listen, don't give up yet. Angel wouldn't let something like an explosion get her. She's the best for a reason right? Besides, if I had a beer for every time they said she wouldn't make it, I wouldn't be standing here today" Yzak gazed at his best friend. He spoke optimistically, but he could tell he was worried as well. "Yeah, maybe you're right." They both continued down the hallway, desperate for news about their friend.

The wind was blowing through the window Dearka had opened before he left Yzak to his thoughts. His office was extremely neat- he made a point of it to put everything exactly in its rightful place. Piles of paperwork were covering every inch of his desk, yet he made no attempt to start working. He stared blankly at the stacks of paper without seeing it. His mind kept wandering back to Angel: Her blue eyes always laughing mischievously at something he had said or her chestnut hair that always hung freely across her back despite his warnings of keeping it neat. She provoked him to no end- ignoring all his orders solemnly to annoy him- yet he always found himself enjoying her company. She had a mind that Einstein would have admired, not really because of intelligence, but because she thought differently about almost everything. If the world would end the next day, she would most probably sleep late because she doesn't want to wake up early since she's already going to die. Yzak smiled grimly, she always wanted to die peacefully in her sleep. "Not that I deserve it though" she said one day as they were walking to the cafeteria "I would most probably die while all my 'fans' from the past bid me farewell" She smiled sarcastically and winked. She was always like that. She hated herself for killing people, but always pointed out her flaws with humor. Despite her being what she was, she saw the world a lot clearer. He remembered one day specifically well. It was like she was here sitting with him right now.

….

"I really hate my life." Angel barged into his office without knocking- as usual. Yzak quirked his brow annoyed. "Can't you see I'm busy?" Angel sat down with a sigh on one of the big chairs in front of his desk. She met his stern eyes with impatience, "Can't you see I'm upset right now? Honestly Yzak that paperwork will still be there even if you spare me an hour." She crossed her arms and looked at him pleadingly, pouting slightly. Yzak sighed and leaned back into his chair. "You would've kept talking even if I said no, wouldn't you?" She sat back confidently "You know me too well" He looked at her for a moment before sighing again. "All right, you can say what you want to say, but you only have an hour." She smiled victoriously. "Now was that so hard? Ok, so I wanted to talk to you about the mission that has been assigned to me." Yzak nodded. "The assassination on the head of police?" She looked at him, surprised "How did you know?" Yzak only shrugged, "They mentioned it at the captain's meeting the other day." She bit down on her thumb thoughtfully before sighing and massaging the back of her neck. "Well then I guess you saved me the trouble of explaining why I'm upset." He looked at her worriedly "You must've faced harder missions than this?" Angel stood up and walked towards his window, staring out blankly. "All missions are hard in their own way, but this is different. I didn't know their backgrounds like I know this one." She hung her head for a moment before adding, "He has a little girl, Yzak. She turned 8 last month." Yzak gulped, so that's why. He knew that Angel felt a strong need to protect children, he never knew why and when he asked her one day she just laughed.

"It's simple really. Children aren't human yet. They are innocent and unaware of the bad that people do. They still believe that the world is good and beautiful. They're more like angels- inhumanly good and unearthly innocent." While he thought this over, she suddenly said: "Yzak, have you ever seen a child start a war?" The question caught him by surprise and he remained silent. "Children don't kill, deceive or overthink things. They live." All the humor from earlier was gone. "It's people like us who causes the world to dominate in chaos. We destroy, murder and fight without knowing why. We learn how to be humane, but do the exact opposite." She looked at him again and the seriousness in her face surprised him "That is why I'll do anything in my power to protect those who are the only hope of a pure world."

Yzak shook his head and looked at her. "What are you going to do?" She sighed and said almost in a whisper "I don't know." Yzak didn't like the defeated tone in her voice, he always admired her for her strength and seeing her so uncertain made him feel uneasy. She moved from the window and sat on the corner of his desk. Her eyes were still vague as she looked outside the window. "What do you think death is like, Yzak?"

Yzak stared at her for a moment, uncertain if she was serious or just playing with him. "How should I know? Nobody ever came back to tell me." She looked at him for some time without saying anything. Yzak was starting to feel uncomfortable under her gaze and adjusted his already perfect uniform to lift the tension. Tension that, obviously, only he felt. "I think dying must be nice." Again her statement rendered him silent out of pure amazement. _What the hell?_ "Don't you feel trapped sometimes? We do as we are told and are punished if we resist. I'm sick of never having a say in anything. I want to be free for once" Yzak, having gathered himself, said: "You won't be able to enjoy your freedom if you're dead."

"As long as you're human, you'll never truly be free. People that are in chains wish to be free of it and go their own way. People who live freely only wish to be in chains because they feel a lack in security. Humans want freedom more than anything, but they don't know what freedom is." She turned to look at him. "You know what keeps us from uncovering the truth about it?" She tapped the side of her head, "Overthinking. Rationalizing and trying to find answers for questions that have never been asked. As long as we are able to think, we cannot be free. We are prisoners inside our heads and we don't know how to break the chains we set ourselves. Understand?" Truth is, he didn't. Her way of thinking was in some ways a bit too advanced for him. However, for some reason, he never forgot that conversation.

….

A knock on his door brought Yzak back to reality. He rubbed his eyes a few times before telling the person to enter. It was the same soldier from earlier. "Commander Joule. We have just received news regarding Miss Angel." Yzak nearly jumped up and shook the man again, but he restrained himself and remained seated. In calmness that wasn't his own he spoke "What did you find?" The man, being a bit more confident than earlier, raised his head as he spoke "They found her a few miles south from the building in an alley. She's heavily injured and unconscious, but alive." Yzak couldn't find the words to express what he was feeling. Utter relief washed over him. _She's alive. _"Where is she now?" Yzak got up and reached for his hat as he listened. "They're taking her to the infirmary right now sir. They might have to operate since she's so badly injured." With a word of thanks to the soldier he left his office and made his way to the infirmary. He had to see her to make sure this wasn't all a dream

As he entered the infirmary he saw that everyone was working in total chaos. Nurses and doctors ran around, desperately trying to aid all the soldiers that have been injured by the explosion. He walked towards the reception and saw a girl hard at work filling in that must be patient information. He cleared his throat in order to grab her attention. When she made no attempt to look up he said in his military voice "Excuse me? I'm looking for Miss Angel?" She looked up rather annoyed at being interrupted, but jumped up when she saw it was Yzak. "Commander Joule! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." Yzak glanced once again at the forms lying rather unorganized on her table "So it would seem. Do you have any information regarding Miss Angel's whereabouts?" The girl nodded and said "She's in the middle of an operation right now sir. It seems that she injured her lungs in the fire and broke a few ribs. They should be out at 4 o'clock. Should I send for you then?" Yzak shook his head, "It's fine. I'll wait." He moved towards one of the chairs in the waiting area. He glanced at his watch: 2 o'clock. It's going to be a long wait.

…

"Hey Yzak!" Yzak turned around at the sound of his name. Angel was hurriedly trying to find a way through the mass of soldiers surrounding him. "Hey, can you… would you please… o, for the love of… would everyone just please move!" The soldiers laughed at her outburst. Everyone knew Angel and her explosive personality. They also knew, however, that she would walk right through them if they don't make an attempt to move. In a matter of seconds, Angel was standing in front of Yzak- panting. Yzak spoke through gritted teeth, "I thought I told you not to call me by my name in work hours. It's Commander Joule." Angel looked at him as if he was suffering from a rare form of insanity. "This isn't the time for formalities, Blondie! We have an important matter to discuss!" Yzak felt his dignity die as he heard Angel's horrible nickname. Before he could scold her about it however, she grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the door. "'C'mon! We don't have a lot of time! O, and you guys…" she turned towards the soldiers who was trying hard not to laugh, "All of you are scheduled for drills. Report to room 45 immediately" with that she turned around and headed out the door, dragging a very unwilling Yzak behind her.

Angel was oblivious to every attempt Yzak made to return to his soldiers. Once they reached his office, she shoved him inside and closed the door behind her. She then turned to face him and said in all seriousness. "You are in so much trouble." Yzak raised an eyebrow at her statement, "O, really? If we looked at your actions a few minutes ago it would seem that you are most likely the one that's in trouble." She rolled her eyes and motioned for Yzak to sit down, which he did. "It's nothing new for me to be in trouble. I'm constantly being scolded by you." Yzak suppressed a smile. "I talked to Nurse Anne a moment ago, she told me you haven't slept in days" Yzak let out a sigh in frustration- this is why she interrupted his morning drill? "You should know better than anyone that time for sleep is limited. I have too much work to do. There's plenty of time to sleep when you die." Angel's hands flew to her hair- a look of utter disgust on her features. "That must've been the worst explanation I've ever heard! You won't be able to enjoy sleep if you're dead! You can't feel anything!" Yzak smiled despite himself. "Now doesn't this conversation seem familiar?" Angel looked at him blankly. "What?" "We had a conversation like this some time ago. About freedom?" Her face relaxed and seeped into a smile as she remembered. "Trust you to make that connection." She chuckled and sat down on the corner of his desk. Yzak had learned that no matter how many threats he made about it, she would continue doing what she did. He leaned back into his chair and sighed. "You really need to relax more Blondie, you'll be grey at the age of 30, although you're already halfway there." Yzak glared at her. She always had something to say about his silver hair. When they met each other for the first time, she duped him "Blondie", since he nearly attacked her when she called him "granny". "Ok, so for the next hour you're not going to do anything work related. Entertain me with your thoughts" To emphasize her point she shoved his paperwork onto a nearby chair and moved to sit on the middle of his desk, crossing her legs as she did so. Yzak only stared- completely taken aback by her boldness. Once she was settled in, she leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands. "I'm waiting." Yzak only stared at her. Angel let out a frustrated sigh, "O, c'mon! Don't you ever think differently about life?" Yzak shrugged and folded his arms. "I see no need for that." She leaned back on her arms and looked at him curiously. "What a dull and depressing place your mind must be." Yzak looked at her grumpily. "How about I just ask you questions?" Angel let her legs dangle over the edge of the desk. She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Mm… I guess that could work." Yzak mentally sighed in relief. "Why do they call you The Grim Reaper?" She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Straight to the point. Just as I would've expected." she smiled, "I ate the souls of my comrades after I mercilessly slayed them." Yzak blinked, his face having less expression than a brick. "Really?" She laughed, "No, but that sounds a lot cooler, doesn't it? Actually, they gave the name to me because I'm able to zone out during fights. It's like I'm another person. Cold and merciless, like death itself." Yzak looked at her thoughtfully. After a long pause he asked: "Does being in love with someone crazy mean you're crazy as well?"

…..

"Commander? Commander Joule?" Yzak felt someone shaking his shoulders. He sleepily sat up and looked around. "Where am I? What happened?" The girl from reception handed him a glass of water. "You fell asleep, sir. It's almost been 3 hours." Yzak took a sip of the water and started to get up. "Is Angel out yet?" She nodded. "Yes sir, but she's still unconscious. She's in ward 4" Yzak nodded in reply and walked down the hallway. Once he reached ward 4, he cautiously looked in. Then he saw her. She was next to the window, almost her entire body was covered in bandages. He moved so he was standing next to her. For a while he only stared at her, trying to grasp the seriousness of her injuries. He then sat down and said: "You really did it this time Angel. You look awful." He wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he kept on talking. "I never could understand how you get yourself into these situations. It's like you carry some sort of death wish. You should tell the nurse that you have to report to my office once you're strong enough to handle the punishment I'll give you. You'll be scrubbing these hallways for weeks." He looked at her still emotionless face and sighed. "I know you always say I'm harder on you than my other soldiers. It's not that I don't like you or anything, I find you a lot more bearable than most people. It's just that you have a talent for getting into trouble." He remained silent for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He then reached out for her hand that was closest to him, taking it into his rather awkwardly. He wasn't used to this kind of closeness.

"How am I supposed to protect you when you're so set on protecting me?" He hung his head so that he was staring at their entwined hands. "Please wake up."

-0-


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry I took so long to update, I've been really busy. I would like to thank everyone who read my story. Thank you so much for the support and I would like to hear what you think about this chapter or if you would have any requests. Please read and review. Thank you!**

Chapter 2

The rain draws silent tears against the window- It's like the sky is mourning with him. Yzak shook his head and mentally scolded himself. What was he talking about? The sky can't cry, it can't feel emotion, goodness it isn't even alive. He turned his back against the window and sat down at his desk. He blindly started to file the mountain of documents that accommodated his working space.

It's been 2 weeks, wasn't she supposed to have at least shown signs of improvement by now? He's been looking over the medical staff's shoulder constantly and was so ill-tempered that they forbid him to come outside of visiting hours. This only worsened his condition, the higher-up's keep breathing in his neck and pushing for information on their precious assassin and he still had work of his own to do as well. The stress is literary starting to kill him.

Yzak smiled grimly to himself, and he's starting to turn grey. Angel's prediction came true after all, maybe she was mad as the rumor had it. His smile disappeared at the thought of her. Why did she influence him so much? He should've been strict with her, just like with the others. But something kept him from turning the usual cold shoulder on her. She interested him, though he'll never admit it. Her eyes seemed like it held some big secret. Like the Lord hid the secret to life in her soul.

Yzak frowned and rubbed the back of his head. He must be coming down with something, he's starting to sound just like her. He got up and opened the cupboard in the farthest corner of his office. He took two aspirins and gulped it down with a glass of water. This might clear his head a bit.

Just as he sat back down, someone knocked at his door. Yzak groaned loudly and stared at the door grumpily. For a moment he considered to pretend he wasn't at the office, but then remembered that he had a meeting this afternoon. "Come in." The door swung open and a soldier entered the room. "Commander Joule, I am here to inform you that the meeting scheduled for this afternoon was moved to an hour from now. The destination is still the same as originally planned."

Yzak's eyebrows knotted together impatiently "Did they say why?" The young man shrugged and said "No, sir. Only that the situation at hand have reached a point where it requires the council's full attention." Yzak sighed and looked away, "Tell them I'll be there." The soldier nodded "Yes sir." And with that he left Yzak to his thoughts.

His icy eyes was filled with concern. The council almost never changed their meetings, this must be something extremely important. He got up and walked towards the window again. The rain calmed down a bit, yet somehow this made him feel depressed. As if the rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain soothed him and created a sense of security- that things will turn back to normal. That everything will once again fall into rhythm and carry on as normal. If only she could wake up.

Another knock was heard at the door. Yzak sighed annoyed and barked a very unfriendly 'come in'. A grey head popped around the door and took uncertain steps inside the office. It was Antonio, an old mechanic that worked on the gundams. He was quite brilliant in his work, but he messed up a bit last time when he had to do the wiring of the Duel. There was an error in the system and Yzak asked Antonio to figure it out. Something went wrong however, and the entire system was cleared. Yzak told him that he never wanted to see him lay his hands on his machine again. If there was a problem with the wiring, he would do it himself.

"Yes, Antonio. What is it?" That the man was nervous could be seen by a blind. His hands was trembling and he kept wetting his lips with his tongue. "Sir, we've finished fixing up the Duel. Everything is in perfect condition, but there's still a few minor glitches in the system. We thought you might want to take a look at it?"

Yzak eyed the man curiously. There was something so familiar in his expression. His eyes bore into the ground in inferiority. His worked hands bunged up his hat in such a pathetic way that it almost made him sick. It's so much alike… His soldiers once wore that exact same expression.

…..

"Alright! Everyone, load up. Aim and then fire. Please make sure to hit the target this time." Grumbling emerged from the soldiers as they followed their commander's orders. Yzak eyed them warningly before adding "Luckily, our Lord build the human body in a way where it isn't necessary to work with your hands and talk at the same time." Silence fell across the room and Yzak smiled to himself over his ability to keep them in their place. Then he heard a giggle.

He turned towards the sound and saw his 'problem-case' doing everything except following his orders. He walked towards her and stood towering over her. "I haven't seen any shots from you, soldier. Have you become too self-absorbed to even notice a person of authority?" Her blue eyes twinkled mischievously as she spoke "Commander Joule! How can you say that? You know it's completely impossible not to notice you. You make sure we know every few hours."

Yzak ignored her remark and motioned to the gun. "Then show me you've listened." She moved towards the gun and loaded it in a matter of seconds. She then aimed and fired. Complete miss. Yzak looked at her curiously "Try aiming more towards the right." She took her eyes off the target and raised an eyebrow unbelievingly "You're seriously trying to teach me how to shoot?" Yzak gestured towards the target and then said "Obviously you need my help."

Angel just chuckled and re-loaded, "I did that on purpose." Yzak frowned "Why would you do that?" She took a step back and looked at the other soldiers. Most of their attempts at shooting the targets started to improve. One soldier nearly hit around the fatal points. "People often feel intimidated when someone who's already practiced in something is emphasizing their flaws by delivering exceeding results. By showing them even I can miss, they've regained some confidence."

Yzak looked round and found what she said to be true. The shots were more focused now and had more direction. He looked back at her "You've always been good when it came to making excuses. For all we know, you really did miss that shot." Once again Angel raised her eyebrow and smiled devilishly "Well, I can't lose the commander's trust, now can I?" She picked up the gun and reloaded. In one swift movement she brought the gun to her shoulder, aimed and fired two shots. Dead center.

As she lowered the gun, her eyes filled with laughter. "Rest assured, Commander. In all my years, I've never missed a shot."

…

"Sir?" Yzak's eyes got back in focus and looked at Antonio. "It's fine, you can just check it for me. I don't have the time right now." The old man's eyes grew bigger, "S… sir?" Yzak started piling paperwork around him. "I'm sure a minor glitch won't get in the way of your work. I'm not sure whether I'll be able to figure it out myself. Would you mind fixing it up yourself?" Antonio's face broke out in an uncertain smile, he nodded and said "Of course sir! I'll get on it right away."

Yzak watched him as he turned and practically ran out the door. A small hint of a smile crossed his face as he remembered her words: "Maybe you could miss some shots sometimes?" He closed his eyes and leaned back into his chair. "Yeah, I guess I could."

**I hope you guys liked it. I will try to update as soon as possible, but I can't promise anything since I'll be studying. I'm not really sure what I want to do with this story so any requests are welcome. Thanks guys. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I would like to thank everyone that read my story and left a review, as well as those who read it but didn't review. I appreciate it! A special thanks to Raisa Yusefin who gave me advise and helped me in this chapter. Please read and review!**

Chapter 3

His footsteps echoed through the hallway, saluting the occasional by-passing soldier. He's been so caught up in his thoughts that he almost forgot about the meeting. On top of that he had a headache that was almost as stubborn as him. Once he reached the designated location he checked his uniform again and entered.

He was exactly on time, had he arrived a minute later he would've been late. Most of the council-members was already seated and made mild conversation. Yzak sat down on the chair closest to him and took his hat off. He then curiously eyed each of the members, trying to find answers in their expressions. Did they know what this meeting was about or were they sitting here wondering the exact same thing?

The room rendered silent as the chairman entered. Yzak looked at the black military cut hair and his equally as dark eyes. He hated this man. Everything about him unsettled him and fueled his hatred for this council. He was forced to join since Angel was placed in his team, and they practically owned her. She was 'sponsored' by this council to ZAFT, since they needed someone skilled handling the dirty work. In return ZAFT had to pay an enormous amount for her services, including the production of nuclear weapons.

So here he was, sitting in a chair he was figuratively chained to, listening to a man he would rather have pointed a gun at. The chairman's eyes darted across the room, checking if all was present. He then sat down at the head of the table and joined his hands together.

"I would like to apologize for asking your attendance at such short notice, I assure you I'll try to make it as quick and painless as possible." He took out his glasses and arranged the papers in front of him.

His slow and pointless actions irritated Yzak to no end. Couldn't he have planned it before he came to the meeting? _"Stay calm" _he told himself in attempt to hide his frustration _"At least this keeps your mind clear for a bit." _

The man looked up again and spoke slowly "We seemed to have had some bad luck cross our path. Because of an unfortunate accident we've lost a very important member of our council. We've been informed that The Grim Reaper is no longer in action- this may cause future problems for us, seeing that we don't have an inside man anymore. Arrangements for a replacement spy must be made immediately. A man that knows his enemy is the victor of the battle. We cannot afford to play into the enemy's hands."

Yzak was stunned into silence. _Important member? No longer in action? Was he joking? Did they even know who Angel was? _Yzak shook his head in disbelief. Important member his ass, she didn't seem that important to them when they tortured her if she failed a mission. They made it pretty clear to her that she was only to be seen and not heard.

As long as she gets the job done, they don't give a damn. Yzak remembered one time she tried to tell the council she couldn't kill someone. It was a man that rebelled against the council's motives and Angel couldn't find that reason enough to kill someone.

Unfortunately the council found it reason enough to hurt her.

…..

"Checkmate! I win again." Dearka cheered as he sat back into his chair victoriously.

The soldier roughed his hair and sighed, "I don't get it. I was sure I had you this time." Yzak looked up from the book he was reading. They were waiting for a plane that was supposed to take them to Orb to discuss urgent matters with Cagalli, but was told that the plane was delayed. Fortunately, this suited Yzak since Angel was running late again. Each of them was told that a soldier from their team would accompany them on this trip, and as luck had it Yzak was stuck with Angel.

"I'm surprised that you actually can play chess." Yzak said.

Dearka looked up, frowning. "What was that supposed to mean?"

Yzak shrugged and directed his gaze back to his book "Nothing, you don't look like the type, that's all." Dearka opened his mouth to retort but uttered a shock "O, no." instead.

Yzak looked up to see what caused his friend's changed reaction and felt the blood leave his face.

Angel looked like she was hit by a train. Her right-eye was blackened, both her cheeks were bruised and her lip was split. Blood was smeared across her forehead where she tried to clean it up and she limped. Yzak was so shocked that he lost the ability to move for a moment, but when Dearka got up and went to her, Yzak somehow regained strength in his legs and rushed over to them.

Dearka was unsure to which of her injuries he should attend to first. Once Yzak reached her, he took hold of her chin and turned her head so that he could see the extend of her injuries.

"What happened?" he asked.

She just shook her head and said: "Nothing"

Yzak frowned angrily. "It's not nothing! Look at you! It looks like you walked through a carving machine."

She chuckled and placed the bag she was carrying on the floor. "Don't exaggerate, it's not nearly that bad. Although you must be worried about how it would look to the people in Orb. Don't worry, I'll just tell them I had to save you from this big, strong guy you clearly couldn't hand-". Her sentence was cut short by Yzak's icy voice:

"Who did this to you? Tell me."

The teasing light in her eyes disappeared and she looked down. When no answer came Yzak said "That's an order, soldier."

She let out a soft sigh and looked up. Her eyes were vacant and she smiled grimly "Let's just say the council doesn't have sympathy for an assassin with a conscience."

Dearka looked at her, surprised "Those fat idiots? _They _did this to you? I'm sorry but I don't understand. You could've easily taken them, right?"

Yzak looked at her "Could you have?"

Her answer came with dead certainty "Yes."

He frowned "I don't understand. You have all the skill needed to kill them. Not to mention the will to do it. Why didn't you?"

She thought about it for a moment and then said "Because courage is not a man with a gun in his hand."

…..

"An assassin that passed our criteria will be appointed as soon as possible. We cannot lose any more time than we already have. We hope-"The chairman was interrupted by Yzak's fist that hit the table. The room sat in stunned silence.

Yzak slowly got up and looked the chairman directly in the eyes. "Do you even know who you're talking about? Do you honestly think she'll just give up like that? Die away and be replaced by some newcomer that doesn't know anything?"

The chairman replied in his usual monotone "We have to look at the facts, Commander Joule. It's been weeks and she still hasn't awoken. We cannot use someone who's dying."

The words hit hard. _Dying._ It was said so matter-of-factly that it caused something inside of Yzak to snap.

He straightened his back and said in deathly calmness "I assure you sir that Angel is far from dead. She still has a score to settle with you." At that moment a knock was at the door.

The room was tense and the entering soldier took it upon himself to break the news quickly. "Commander Joule, doctor Yang asked me to take you to the medical quarters immediately."

Yzak frowned and asked "Did he tell you why?"

The soldier nodded and said "Yes, sir. It's Angel. She's awake."

Yzak felt relief wash over him. He turned back to the council and said "If you would be so kind to excuse me." He grabbed his hat and hurried down the hall. He has to talk to her.

She was still covered in bandages, but was definitely looking better. When he reached her bed, she turned so that she was facing him.

He gulped before grumbling: "Well, it took you long enough. Do you have any idea how much trouble you caused me? You'll be indebted to me for a lifetime. And don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're injured. I'm going to work you to the bone."

Throughout his outburst her eyes remained vacant and she hasn't said a word. Yzak looked at her- confused. "Angel?" She frowned and her words left his blood running cold:

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I tried bringing out Angel's more insecure side in this chapter. Please let me know what you think and feel free to leave any requests! Happy reading!**

Chapter 4

Yzak could hear his own heart pounding, his eyes stood frozen in his head. _Do I know you?_ He's been waiting for weeks so he could talk to her and now she can't remember him? This can't be happening…

He slowly sat down onto the chair behind him and lowered his head into his hands. "I can't believe this…"

He raised his head and looked into her eyes. Her face slowly spread into a smile and she winked at him: "Just kidding."

Yzak continued to stare at her, his ability to speak completely lost. He leaned back into the chair and tilted his head backwards. He then rubbed over his eyes and looked back at her. His expression was unreadable as he spoke "I really hate you…"

Angel shook as she laughed "I missed you too… Ouch!" She laid a hand across her stomach. "Ah, I guess no bad deed goes unpunished."

Yzak remained silent, still angry at her, and merely turned his head to the side. Angel, having noticed his dismissal, reached out with her hand closest to him and caught a strand of his hair, softly pulling at it. He snapped his head back, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks.

Angel smiled cheekily at him and said under her breath: "Hey, don't ignore me, Blondie. I'll report back to the council and tell them you're mistreating me."

Yzak let out a sarcastic snort "I'm sure they won't think twice about moving you. They're waiting for a reason to kick me out."

Angel let out a soft chuckle "I guess you're right. How long have I been down?"

Yzak crossed his arms and said in a formal tone: "About two weeks. There was an accident with your mission and you got hurt. We suspect that the roof collapsed while you were still inside."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise "Wow, all that and I'm still breathing." Her eyes' mischievous twinkle vanished and she stared out into the open.

Yzak eyed her curiously, he knew that look…

Her eyes was vague as she spoke: "Have you ever wanted something so bad you'll kill for it? You do everything possible to get it and then, just when you're so close you can feel it, it's gone." She turned her head so that she was facing him "Why am I still alive?"

His breathing got heavy and sweat started to form on his forehead. He knew where this was going, he can't let it happen again… let her slip away.

He cleared his throat and spoke with caution -one wrong word and he might set her off. "You should be grateful, you got another chance at life. There's a lot of people that don't make it after such a big accident."

Her face was expressionless and she replied without emotion: "Like the people I killed." _Strike one. _

He clamped his fists together and spoke softly: "You can get back to your life."

Her eyes never left his face as she spoke: "Get back to what? Killing again?" _Strike two._

His heart pounded in his chest and he leaned forward to hide his trembling hands. "The doctors all did their best to get you better. I told them that I needed you back on the team since we're short on hands as it is."

She turned her head away from him and whispered: "We both know I deserved to die." _Strike three._ Yzak's panic was suddenly replaced by anger- how can she just give up like that? _She, _who was always so strong and determined? He knew she resented her past, but to what end?

He jumped up and looked down at her, his blue eyes spitting fire. "What's the matter with you? Don't you remember anything about honor and loyalty? Wasn't it you who told us that day we got stranded on that island, that we should find something worth fighting for? That way you keep yourself alive. Where is that girl?"

She slowly turned her head back to him and her voice was flat: "I don't know what you're talking about."

He took a step closer to her bed and looked her straight in the eye: "Don't know what I'm talking about? Am I even talking to Angel right now? It's like a brick hit you on the wrong side of your head! That roof must've knocked the last bit of sense you had out of you. If you fail to see reason, let me tell you: the people who give up are the ones too scared to fight."

She looked at him curiously and a hint of the Angel he knew showed when she remarked: "So you really do listen to me after all?"

His shoulders stiffened and he said: "What do you mean?"

She smiled and raised a sarcastic eyebrow "I told you that, remember? That time when the guys didn't want to go further into the battle and you couldn't get them to move, then I said-"

Yzak waved her statement away annoyed: "Yes, yes, I remember. I'm not the one with brain damage."

Angel smirked: "I'm glad you heard me."

He raised his eyebrow while glaring at her: "Believe me, I hear you. You make sure of it."

She smiled "Well, you have selective hearing. I hope that I get some sense into your head by repeating it continuously."

Yzak sat back down, feeling a bit more at ease now that she was starting to sound like herself again. He fumbled with his hands and lightly stroked his knuckles as he looked at her. "Don't talk like that again."

Angel frowned at his words "What do you mean?"

He got up and walked towards the window so that his back was facing her "Things like you deserve to die and stuff like that. Don't say things like that again."

Her eyes furrowed together worriedly and she said softly: "Commander…"

He ignored her concerned look when he turned round and said: "Don't talk about death that easily, it's disrespectful."

She smiled and nodded "Whatever you say commander."

Yzak frowned and looked at her "Are you mocking me?"

Angel looked at him surprised and said:" Why would you say that?"

He eyed her suspiciously and crossed his arms "You called me commander without me asking you to."

She raised her eyebrows sarcastically "How is that me mocking you? Did it embarrass you?"

Yzak frowned "No."

"Was there anyone around to see me mocking you?"

"No."

"Did it make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Not really no."

Angel rolled her eyes and looked at him accusingly "Do you know anything about my work?"

Yzak just sighed and massaged his temples "Well then, I guess miracles do still happen."

She yawned and stretched out her arms "I'm so tired."

Yzak snorted and said:" With all the nonsense you've uttered today I'm not surprised."

She smiled and tried to turn on her side "You didn't seem to mind." She said through her groans. Finally she gave up and continued to lay on her back. "This stinks." She sighed and gave another yawn.

Her eyes were starting to droop and she looked at Yzak through a gaze. Before sleep overwhelmed her she asked him: "What did you choose?"

He frowned and asked: "What do you mean?"

She spoke while her eyes was closed: "What did you choose to fight for?"

He thought about it for a while and finally replied: "I'm not sure."

When sleep finally came over her, Yzak still sat there, watching her sleeping figure as he thought about her question. He finally got up 5 minutes later and looked down on her one more time.

Walking to the door he stops for a moment and looks back to her. Smiling to himself he says: "You really do know how to get under my skin, don't you?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What do you think you're doing?"

Angel turned round as she heard her commander's icy voice. She had one of her legs out the window and the other still dangling on the inside. The tubes that transferred medicine to her was removed a few days ago since the doctors thought she was no longer in need of it, but she was still covered in bandages.

"I… was just going for a walk." Angel said as innocently as possible.

Yzak raised his eyebrows: "Out the window?"

Angel laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head: "They say the joy lies in the journey."

Yzak sighed and crossed his arms. What was he going to do about her? This was the third time this week she tried to escape: First she tried to drug the nurse with morphine, the second time she climbed through the vents and made it about halfway before being discovered, now she was dangling out a window. Perhaps he should have her legs amputated?

He looked at her sternly: "You look like a mummy trying to escape from its' tomb."

She shrugged and started to climb back through the window "I feel more like a mental patient strapped in a strait-jacket"

Yzak moved to help her while saying: "I'm starting to think I'll have to arrange one."

Grunting, she tried to get out of the window but her tight-bandaged body barely moved an inch. "You'll try to escape too if you had to eat what they give me."

Yzak took her arm and placed it around his neck, assisting her: "The doctor said… try pulling yourself in… that you have to stay still for another week."

He finally managed to get out the window by wrapping his other arm around her waist and pulling her in. When she stood firmly on the ground, he once again frowned at her in annoyance. She merely looked back at him with a goofy grin on her face.

He rolled his eyes and scoffed at her: "You really should learn to follow orders. You seem to have some difficulty in using self-restraint."

She stiffly started to move towards her bed, shuffling across the floor like a penguin, grunting at each movement.

Yzak grunted and walked towards her, swiftly picking her up and carrying her to the bed "How is it that you can climb through vents and dangle out windows but can't walk back to your bed?"

She looked up from his chest and winked at him: "Never do something when someone else can do it for you."

He paused in front of the bed to look down at her "Surely that doesn't include walking?"

Angel grinned mischievously and said: "Probably not, but I'm on a whole different level on laziness."

Yzak rolled his eyes and put her down in front of the bed. He started to move away from her but she caught his sleeve in her hand and drew him into an embrace. Her arms curved around his neck and she hid her face in his hair. Yzak stood frozenly, taken aback by her sudden movement.

After a moment he cleared his throat, slowly pushing her away:" Um… Angel…"

She only tightened her grip on him, resisting his movement. "It hurts."

Yzak patted her back awkwardly as he gazed at the clock on the wall. 14h50. Visiting hours are almost done, the nurse will probably come to escort him out, as always. "The doctor said you should be feeling better in a few weeks, that is, if you stay still as he told you to."

Angel shook her head, exhaling slowly. "Not that."

Yzak frowned and directed his gaze to her back. Chestnut hair fell softly across her shoulders and the sun that shone through the window gave it a reddish glaze. "Not what?"

She sighed again and her fingers curled at the nape of his neck, catching a few strands of silver hair. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, the feeling alien to him. "It's not my body that hurts. It's something else."

Yzak was uncertain of what he should do. Her fingers twirled around his hair and he could feel the heat of her breath in his neck. He wasn't used to being this close to someone, let alone one of his subordinates.

Her fingers stilled suddenly and she backed away from him so that her forehead was now resting against his chest. "Am I a bad person Yzak?"

He looked down to her and saw that she was pale. He gently pushed her towards the bed and helped her onto it. She fell asleep almost instantly, her breathing becoming even.

He looked at her and sighed:" No matter what I tell you, you'll only believe what you want."

He looked to the clock as he walked out of the room. 15h00. He smiled to himself as the nurse entered the room. Right on time.

The meeting room buzzed with excited voices. There was a rumor that a new businessman has entered the Nuclear- weapons industry. He was a young man in his early thirties and has already begun negotiating with local tradesman. This endangered their own business of nuclear-weapon exchange and could cause problematic profit drops in the future if they have competition. The council was gathered by the chairman to discuss the matter at hand and how this should be handled.

Five minutes later the impressive figure of chairman Hub Fritz entered. His dark eyes darted around the room to see if all was present, smiling at the empty seat of Commander Joule. "Still tending to our dear Angel's injuries I presume?"

His secretary nodded:" Yes sir, he left his office ten minutes ago."

Hub nodded in approval. "Good, then we may proceed. I believe it is no secret as to why I gathered you all here. We seem to have picked up the problem in our declining profits. A certain Frank Erik deemed himself worthy to challenge our business. No matter, this is a minor setback that can be rectified easily. He is still but a boy that doesn't know the basics of running such an important business."

He paused for a moment to drink some water, letting his words sink in. When he was done, he continued: "Mr. Erik is a single man around the age of 34 and lives in a small condo. He has no relatives and knows only a handful of people since he recently moved here. He is, basically, a ghost. One that has to find peace in the afterlife soon."

Silence lay thick across the room. A woman on the far end of the table hesitantly raised her hand.

Hub noticed her movement: "Yes, Veronica?"

The red-head got up and spoke uncertainly, her hands constantly moving strands of loose hair from her face: "Sir, you don't mean that… I must've misunderstood but it sounded like you…"

Hub raised his eyebrows and completed her sentence: "Want to have him killed? No, that's exactly what I meant Veronica, you understood perfectly."

Her face paled and she slowly sank back into her chair. Hub looked across the room and said: "I don't think it's necessary for me to explain why this has to be done. If our business has competition and it influences our profit it could mean that we would have to stand down. That, of course, would ultimately mean that none of you would have jobs. With the shortage of work these days it would be hard to find another job, especially for people of your years."

He smiled at the room: "I believe we can say that this is a decision made in the best interest of the company, wouldn't you agree?"

The members nodded mechanically and Hub turned to his secretary: "Please ask for a medical report from doctor Yang on how Angel is doing."

He turned back to his council, half-smiling: "There are some trash that needs to be taken out."


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the reviews, I really appreciate all your support. I would like to thank Livandra and Dr. Loon for all their special help and comments on this chapter. My internet is currently out of order so I won't be updating again for a while. It's holidays now, so I'll probably be working part-time and writing. O, right! I don't own anything. The song is Mordred's lullaby, feel free to listen to it. It's really good. Please review and leave any requests. xN**

Chapter 6

"_Hush child, the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into sleep. Child, the darkness will rise and carry you down into sleep. Guileless son, I'll shape your belief and you'll always know that your father's a thief. And you won't understand the cause of your grief, but you'll always follow the voices beneath…"_

"What's with that depressing song?"

Angel looked up from where she sat on the couch. It's been a week since she was released from the hospital and was now facing an even greater horror than being still: Having nothing to do. Although she was physically healed, Dr. Yang requested that she didn't do any hard labor for a week. This caused her to wander around aimlessly in search for something to do, but to no avail. She basically slept the days away in an attempt to shorten time. Today, however, one of the secretaries brought her infant to work because the nanny called in sick. Sensing the opportunity she handed the bundle of blankets over to Angel and told her to watch him while she worked.

"It's a lullaby."

Yzak frowned: "To what end of sleep do you want that child to go?"

Angel looked down to the baby she was cradling: "What would you have me sing then? The Muffin Man?"

Yzak scoffed and walked towards her and the child: "What's his name?"

Angel smiled as she held his tiny hand: "Thomas."

He raised an eyebrow and moved his gaze from the infant to her: "Are you sure? I thought she said his name was Phillip?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes: "I guess it could be. I didn't really listen."

Yzak's eyebrow twitched: "So you decided to name him yourself?"

She shrugged and looked up to him: "He looks like a Thomas. Phillip doesn't suit him."

He stared at her for a moment, once again dumbfounded by her loss of tact. He sighed and sat down on the opposite couch: "If that child suffers from identity issues in the future, you're to blame."

Angel paid little attention to him as she muttered to Phillip: "Just pretend you don't hear him, maybe he'll go away."

Yzak let out another frustrated sigh and glared at her. He then looked to his hands, remembering the envelope that was there. He leaned over and let it slide across the table that was situated between him and Angel. "You have orders."

Angel looked up and stared at the envelope. She then directed her gaze back to Yzak: "From ZAFT or The Council?"

Yzak lifted his eyebrows sarcastically and leaned back into the chair. Angel let out a sigh and placed Phillip next to her on the couch in a laying position. She reached over for the envelope and tore it open, scanning the continents. Yzak watched her face carefully in search for any indication of what her mission may be, but her features remained perfectly neutral. When she finished, she placed the orders back into the envelope and reached into her pocket. She fished out a red cigarette-lighter and brought the flame to life, directing it to the envelope that caught fire in a matter of seconds.

"What are you doing?" Yzak asked in horror as he watched the paper cringe before his eyes, "Do you want to burn the whole building down? Put that out!"

He made a move to grab the flaming envelope out of her hands, but she held it out of his reach. Instead she stood up and threw it into the nearest trash can, pouring a glass of water over it when it all but disappeared.

She turned back to him and shrugged: "Sorry, it's the business's policy. I have to destroy any evidence that may point my actions to them. It gives them a sense of security." She smiled at her last sentence and sat back onto the couch, scooping up Phillip as he crawled over to her.

Yzak frowned and crossed his arms across his chest: "What's your mission?"

She directed her gaze to Phillip, whom was pulling at her hair: "O, the usual."

He felt his eyebrow twitch at her short reply, irritation starting to build up in him. "Such as?"

Angel sighed and sat back into the couch, Phillip now lying flat on his back on the length of her lap. "You know I can't tell you."

Yzak scoffed, but kept his eyes on her face: "How long?"

She ruffled a hand through her hair as she lifted her gaze to meet his: "Three days, but I'll probably finish it in two. It's not a difficult mission."

"Do you know why you have to do this?" Yzak asked

Angel looked at him curiously and then answered: "It's not my job to ask questions, Commander. I only follow orders."

He decided to leave it there since he wasn't getting any useful information out of her. Still curious though, he searched her face for clues but something else caught his eye.

"What's that?" he asked as he leaned forward to take a closer look.

"What's what?"

"There's something in your hair…" Yzak squinted his eyes to see it better, but Angel's hand flew to her hair, covering the item.

"Nothing." Her guilty eyes betrayed her when she attempted to hide the accessory.

"I'm not blind, Angel. You have some sort of chain in your hair." Yzak got up and moved towards her, eyes still on the colorful item.

Angel started to back away from him by scooting farther into the couch, but Phillip restricted her movement. Sensing defeat when he was in front of her, she started pleading. "It was a gift from a friend. I promised I wouldn't remove it. It's not like it's an ugly accessory"

Yzak looked at the item cautiously. It was a beaded chain that was braided into her hair, a bright blue feather hung at the end of the braid, complementing the several colorful beads. He moved his eyes from the chain to Angel's pleading eyes, her mouth in a slight pout.

Sighing annoyed he gave her a pointed look: "It's not part of the uniform, Angel. You have to take it out."

"But I can't! I told you I made a promise, besides it's braided into my hair. I'll have to cut it out." She removed the now sleeping Phillip from her lap and placed him next to her, standing up to level up to him.

Yzak looked at her sternly: "Then cut it out, either way it can't stay there. It's unprofessional. Report to me once you removed it."

He turned to leave but Angel grabbed his arm, her eyes serious as she spoke: "Yzak, I wouldn't ask you for this favor if it wasn't important. Please?"

He looked at her for a moment, scanning her eyes for answers, but found none. Sighing he pulled his arm from her grip and said: "Fine, but if anyone complains I already ordered you to remove it."

A smile spread across her face and she sprang into a salutation: "Yes sir!"

Shaking his head, Yzak walked out the door and down the hallway. Heaven forbid anyone ever seeing him and Angel in a conversation.

Angel eased out of her salutation when Yzak disappeared down the hallway. Closing the door she glanced at Phillip, whom was still asleep, and took out her phone. Swiftly dialing the numbers she held the mobile to her ear, listing to the ring. _One, two, three. Hang-up and then dial again. _She re-dialed the numbers and blinked when a woman answered: "Yes?"

"Is Miss Yula Athha there?" she said, following the woman's example of ignoring formalities.

"Who is this?" Angel rolled her eyes. When did Cagalli find a new secretary? This complicated everything.

"Tell her it's Angel." There was a muffled sound of papers being shuffled. Angel tapped on the back of the phone as she waited. Glancing at the clock she clicked her tongue in annoyance.

After what felt like hours, the woman finally picked up the phone again "I'm sorry ma'am, but Miss Cagalli won't be able to talk to you.

_Should've known they won't respond to that name. _"I see, would she then perhaps be able to speak with The Grim Reaper?"

There was a long pause before woman asked in an uncertain whisper: "Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?

Angel replied quickly, her patience wearing thin: "Nothing."

The woman's shaky voice replied: "I'll put you through."

Angel sighed in relief. _Finally. _"Thank you."

There was a short tone before Cagalli picked up: "Hello?"

Angel exhaled loudly before saying: "Cagalli? Thank goodness! It took me a lifetime to get through to you, when did you change secretaries?"

Cagalli chuckled on the other end: "Angel, it's good to hear your voice. I had to let Yin go since she had a problem with keeping her hands off things that wasn't hers. What can I do for you?"

Angel glanced back to Phillip when he whimpered: "I have a proposal for you."

"You always do. What is it?"

Angel took the recorder out of her pocket and smiled at it: "How badly do you want to put the Council out of business?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"67 bottles of beer on the wall, 67 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around. 66 bottles of beer on the wall. 66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer…"

Yzak's eyebrow twitched with every word that left his best friend's mouth. He tried ignoring the never-ending death penalty he received, but no matter how hard he concentrated on his work Dearka's voice carried through like a boom-box. He eyed the clock against the wall suspiciously, time must have decided to stand still in his office, pro-longing his suffering.

Sighing, he turns back to his work, scanning over the form in his hand- making sure he didn't make any mistakes. Gazing lazily at his work, his eyes suddenly widens. On Angel's form on permission to leave for her mission, he neatly wrote: **Reason for leave: 67 bottles of beer.**

"60 bottles of beer on the wall, 60 bottles of-"Dearka's jolly song stopped abruptly when a dictionary hit him on the side of his head. Staring in disbelief at the book and then directing his gaze at Yzak, Dearka's face was one big question mark. "Why?"

Yzak tightened his fingers around his pen, picking through his brain for ideas on how to punish the man responsible for his error. He needed a target to practice his shooting on. Moving targets are always the best way to improve your shooting skills. He'll be able to punish Dearka by watching him run around aimlessly and he'll improve his shooting. It's a win-win. For him that is. Although that still doesn't solve the problem with Angel's form, he'll have to do everything over again.

Glaring at Dearka, he gritted his teeth as he spoke: "Why didn't I throw you with the desk instead? Because then I'll have an even bigger mess to clean up than the one you already caused!"

Dearka's face remained a perfect blank slate: "What mess? What did I do?"

Yzak shoved the paper towards Dearka, spilling his coffee all over his desk in the process. "Damn it! Of all the…" He desperately tried to save the documents on his desk as the puddle of coffee expanded. Grapping a serviette he willed the thin material to absorb the liquid.

Dearka's laugh reached Yzak's ears through his wild attempts to maintain order. He looked up at the blonde man seated on the opposite side of his desk, whose eyes were glued to the document. "Now that's what I call business! Why do you always give the fun orders to Angel? People might start thinking that you actually like her."

Yzak just stared blankly into Dearka's sarcastic grin. The serviette in his hand dripped small tears of coffee towards the floor, making soft plopping sounds. After a few moments. In which Dearka started fiddling with his uniform, Yzak dropped the material into the trashcan next to him while shaking his head. "Unbelievable…"

Dearka pulled a thread from his shirt, inspecting it critically: "What is?"

Yzak sat back down onto his chair and massaged his temples. He would give both his ears in exchange for silence. He couldn't possibly finish his work in these circumstances. "You. I'm in constant awe of your ignorance and oblivious nature. It's like everyone targets me once I sit down. Don't you have work to do?"

Sighing Dearka yanked the thread from his shirt, playing with the material between his fingers. "Nah, I have some off- time at the moment. I'm bathing in the sweet scent of boredom." Tossing the now crimpled thread aside he placed his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. "Besides, with Angel gone who's going to keep you company?"

Yzak looked up from where he attempted to correct his dreadful mistake, his eyes warning Dearka not to surpass his limits. "Angel is a soldier like any other in my team. I treat her no differently than the rest."

Dearka looked at his friend curiously, wanting to add something, but catching the warning in his eyes decided against it. Directing his gaze towards the only window in Yzak's office he asked instead: "When is she coming back?"

Following Dearka's gaze he stared into the rain. _Why is it always raining when she's gone?_ "The mission is set for 3 days." He looked back to his work and picked up a pen. "But she says she'll be back in two."

"The only reason you can have for disturbing me is if someone had died or if we are under attack." Yzak called when he heard the soft knock on his door. He managed to all but threaten Dearka to leave him to his work for the week and so far the blonde stayed clear of his office for a day. He was just getting into his work when Murphy interfered again.

The door slowly swung open and a bright red head appeared around the corner: "Commander Joule?"

Yzak looked up, slightly annoyed, but replaced his scowl with a neutral look when he saw Flay's uncertain expression. He rose when she entered, curious about the reason for her visit." Miss Allster. Do you have any orders you have to give through to me? Or is it news from Earth?"

Flay slightly blushed when she shook her head, hands folding in front of her chest: "Actually, this is sort of… a social visit."

Yzak raised his eyebrows in surprise. Well, he didn't expect that. Motioning to the chair in front of him, he urged her to sit down, only sitting down himself after she settled. "What do you want to talk about?"

Flay avoided eye- contact by staring into her lap as she fumbled with her hands. It took her a few moments before she spoke, leaving Yzak aggravated and anxious to return to his work. "People in your profession has to stay professional and clear-headed. Making decisions based on logic and reason, deciding what the best choice for their country and cause is by debating all the options with a sharp mind, right? That's what my dad used to tell me."

Yzak nodded his head in response. His mother taught him this at a young age. You can't be out-ruled by your emotions when you have to steer your men in the right direction. Bad decisions can lead to the loss of lives, weakening their defense.

Flay looked up slightly, mutely asking permission to continue. Yzak gave another nod and she continued in a soft voice: "What do you suppose should be done to someone who no longer has the ability to make decisions with a clear head? Someone who gets distracted by something and may lead to the downfall of his cause?"

Without hesitation Yzak answered briskly: "They must either resign or dispose of the distraction that is disrupting his line of reason."

Flay stopped her fidgeting and sighed softly: "Exactly." She looked up and Yzak was surprised by the amount of seriousness she held in her eyes. "Being the middleman between you and those in command above you, it's my job to warn you when you're in danger of straying. Captain Hei asked me to inform you that, unless you regain your ability to reason with logic, you may endanger your subordinates or lose your position as commander."

Yzak stared at her in bafflement, completely taken aback by her bold accusation. _Not able to reason with logic? Him? Impossible._

Flay took a parcel out of the bag she carried and handed it to Yzak. "Captain Hei said that once you decided which is more important, you have you fill in one of these forms and one alone."

Yzak took the parcel and opened it, heart pounding as he tore the paper. He reached in and pulled out two forms- recognizing the layout he looked up at her. "You can't be serious…"

Flay got up and slung her bag over her shoulder: "I'm sorry Commander. Either you resign or get rid of your distraction. I really hope you make this decision rationally and don't regret-"

Before Flay could finish her sentence his door swung open and Yzak closed his eyes in realization that there's only one person who enters his office without knocking. A tall, slender figure filled the doorframe. Still dressed in black combat clothes Angel entered his office, stopping in front of his desk, standing next to Flay. Ignoring her presence she addressed Yzak blankly: "Sorry for interrupting Commander but they told me that I had to report to you before I could carry out any other duties."

Yzak frowned at her loss of manners and respect for his guest. He stood up and crossed his arms: "Yes, but first would you be so kind as to greet my guest? You seemed to have failed noticing her."

Angel snorted and rolled her eyes, glaring at Flay: "I noticed her, although I must say I try my best not to. It's rather hard though, given the flaming head issue."

Yzak glared angrily at her: "That's enough! Whatever personal grudge you carry against her is none of my concern. In my office she is a guest and you will treat her as such."

Slightly fazed by his raise of tone, she collected herself and turned towards Flay- bowing as she did: "Please forgive my rude behavior. I've just returned from a mission and must be talking out of exhaustion. It won't happen again."

Flay waved away her apology: "Don't worry about it. It's all right, really."

Sighing, Yzak asked her: "You're back early. How was your mission?"

Angel straightened herself as she turned to Yzak. He eyes missed the glimmer of her usual teasing remarks. "I said I'll be back in two, I'm back in two. It's not early, it's punctual." She crossed her arms, her expression the same blank neutral look that no emotion can seep through. "I'm sorry Commander but may I please ask you to give me my pass so that I can return to my duties?"

Yzak noticed that his question was left unanswered, but decided not to press any further on the subject since she was clearly in a foul mood. He nodded curtly and pulled open a drawer to look for her pass.

Flay, however, did not notice the warnings of a possible outburst from the hot-headed assassin and asked curiously: "How _did_ it go with your mission?"

Keeping her eyes fixed in front of her, Angel replied: "Fine."

Flay was unfazed by her impersonal reply and pressed on: "I should warn you as a friend to be careful of making any unnecessary mistakes on your missions. The Council may replace you if they find that you can no longer handle the pressure of high-intelligence missions. I wouldn't want to see that happen to you."

Angel turned slowly so that she was facing Flay, she frowned slightly and said: "Let me ask you something Flay. Would a tortoise tell a cheetah how to run?"

Slightly taken aback by her question Flay shook her head wildly: "No… no of course not. I believe the cheetah would have more knowledge on the subject."

Angel nodded her head slowly, her expression still blank: "Exactly. Would you then, based on your answer, agree that I may have more knowledge than you on the subject of assassination and handling myself in a combat situation?"

Cold shivers ran down Flay's spine as Angel's icy voice carried through to her. She nodded numbly and swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in her throat.

Stepping forward Angel continued: "Let me then warn you, _as a_ _friend_, to not worry your pretty little head over matters that both doesn't concern you nor have any knowledge of. I seem to have problems with controlling my anger."

She turned back to Yzak whom have been watching with a wide-eyed expression, her pass still clutched in his hand. She snatched it from his grip and stomped out of his office, slamming the door behind her.

Recovering from her state of shock, Flay turned towards Yzak one last time: "You have until tomorrow afternoon to decide which option you choose. I will collect the form from you tomorrow at two o' clock."

She then exited his office as well, leaving him to his thoughts. It always comes down to this: Him having to choose between his head and his heart.

He's been staring at the same wall for hours. His body pleaded for sleep, but then again Yzak never succumbed to the desires of the body. He needed to think, decide his fate and if he's willing to accept the outcome. But all that stuck in his head is Flay's words the day before: _Either you resign or get rid of your distraction._

Sighing he gazed at the clock- 9h00. He doesn't have much time left. He leaned back into his chair so that he can stare at the ceiling. The blankness of the white paint did little to distract his wandering thoughts. _It's lose-lose no matter how you look at it. In the end, you're going to lose something if not both. _

Sighing he massaged his temples and sat back up, once again glancing at the wall clock. His guests will be arriving soon. Better make preparations.

"I don't know what you're doing here. You never behave like I tell you to." Yzak glared grumpily at his subordinate, whom only batted her big, blue eyes in return.

"O, come on Commander! I want to see them too! I haven't seen them in ages, I promise I'll behave and do everything you tell me to do." Angel pouted slightly at her superior.

Yzak sighed and turned on his heels. "Go back to your post, Angel."

Following him, Angel attempted to start another debate on the matter: "Please, Commander. You won't even know I'm there."

Stopping abruptly, Angel walked into his broad back. Turning around once again he crossed his arms and looked at her sternly: "I thought you said you'll do everything I tell you to?"

Rubbing her red nose even redder she gave a muffled reply: "Only if you let me come with you."

Yzak's face remained unchanged as he frowned: "The answer is no. After your behavior with Flay yesterday I don't think it would be wise introducing you to more of my guests."

"Still as strict as always I see." A male voice said behind them. Turning round quickly Yzak saw his old friend's sarcastic grin as he fought back his laughter.

Angel's curious face appeared from behind her commander, smiling when she saw who it was. "Athrun!" Pushing past Yzak she ran to Athrun, throwing her arms around him in an embrace. Startled by her outburst of emotion Athrun blinked, but returned her embrace as his expression seeped into a smile.

"You haven't changed one bit. Still as straight-forward as always." Stepping out of the embrace, Angel smiled and nodded in reply, trying to avoid her commander's icy glare.

Sighing in annoyance Yzak stepped forward and held out his hand to greet him. "Athrun, I'm glad to see you arrived safely. Is Miss Cagalli with you?"

Athrun shook his hand and sighed: "No, she said there was business she had to tend to. It's just us."

Yzak nodded and looked to Angel, who stood wide-grinned next to Athrun. Lost in thought for a moment he made his decision. He looked back to Athrun and motioned for him to follow him down the hallway. Halfway down he called to Angel: "You may accompany us, soldier."

Her face broke into a joyful smile as she followed them. This was the last time he saw her smile for a while.

After discussing the usual business Yzak asked to bring an unrelated matter to the table.

"Of course, fire away." Athrun said as he settled back into the chair. They were in Yzak's office, each with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Angel stood unusually quiet next to Yzak, her mood seemed to have downed a bit.

Resting his elbows on the desk, he folded his hands. Frowning as he spoke: "It has come to my attention that I may be unfit to fulfill my duty as Commander of this fleet. I must admit that my mind has not been where it should be, but I intend to correct that." Pausing briefly to take a sip of coffee, he continued "In order to once again perform at my best it is necessary to make my duties my prime interest. Therefore I have to make certain sacrifices to be in top shape to lead my men."

Athrun frowned confused: "What are you getting at Yzak? What does this have to do with me?"

Yzak closed his eyes for a moment, sighing softly: "Would you mind taking over my responsibilities as guardian over the ZAFT assassin?"

Next to him, Angel inhaled sharply, but didn't say a word. Athrun glanced worriedly at Angel and then back at Yzak: "I don't understand."

"I thought that I could be both commander of my fleet and guardian over Angel. But I neglected my most important duty: Leading and guiding my men. You two seem to get along and I know she's quite fond of Cagalli as well. Would you please consider taking her in your care? ZAFT will of course still make use of her services, but she'll be working under your orders." Yzak kept eye-contact with Athrun, trying to ignore the silent figure next to him.

Athrun leaned forward: "I don't mind taking her in, but are you sure of this? You've been her superior for three years now. Did you think this through?"

Yzak nodded curtly, eager to end the awkward conversation. Athrun sighed and looked to Angel: "Well, then. I guess it's up to you then. Would you mind transferring to my fleet?"

Yzak braced himself for her outburst, words that would no doubt make him want to jump off a cliff. But to his surprise she calmly replied: "When do we leave?"

As promised Flay entered his now deserted office at exactly two o'clock. Yzak sat with his head in his hands, not bothering to get up when he heard her.

"I take it you made your choice?" Her soft voice asked as she picked up the single paper on his desk.

**Permission for transfer: Angel Granz aka The Grim Reaper.**

He got rid of his distraction.

**A/N: No Yzak! Why? Most likely because he realized that no matter what option he chose, he'll lose her. If he resigned he wouldn't be able to see her since he'll no longer be working there and he won't be able to protect her if the council abuses her again. By transferring her, he would still be able to see her from time to time and he's ensured of her safety because he trusts Athrun. In the next chapter the real story begins, I can't wait to get started. Thanks so much for the support! xxN**


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